Shamian Island (Sunday)

Today was a “free day.” From an adoption processing perspective, we’re not sure if that means that the government offices are all closed so nothing can happen, or if that means that someone is processing some paperwork so we’re waiting for that to get done. In any case, we had nothing official to do, and a day we could do whatever we wanted.

We slept in, enjoyed the expansive breakfast buffet and some conversations with other families here to process their children’s adoption, and then took a short taxi ride to a nearby island. As far as we can tell, Shamian Island is a sort-of historical preservation site/public park/shopping area.

We saw lots of bronze sculptures depicting various scenes in Chinese history, and apparently, the history of the island (with Western characters/influences). We saw some interesting architecture, and a number of locations where photographers appeared to be photographing models for a clothing catalog. We were asked to pose with strangers because we are tall white people (kind of fun - we feel famous), and finished nearly all the shopping we were hoping to do in China. Interestingly, many of the shops selling souvenirs have English names (Michael’s Place, Jenny’s Place, Amy’s Place, China Doll, etc.) and are very clearly catering to the adoptive family clientele. Lots of t-shirts with mei mei, (little sister), di di (little brother), ba ba (daddy), “Made in China” (for your adopted child to wear), etc. We also encountered a number of shop owners who sold explicitly Christian items (jade crosses, bilingual Bibles, scripture plaques) and told us that they were Christian. It was hard to tell if they were genuine or seeking to connect with potential customers, but we pray that God uses them to spread the gospel in China in any case.

We had a number of challenges with Ca today, and a number of great blessings. 

1.We stopped at the 7-Eleven on the way out to get water and a few snacks (our home-brought stash is running low). In the store, Ca asked for many different candies, to which we said no, and then a package of “finger biscuits” which looked cracker-like and we purchased. She was very happy, and insisted on carrying them. We explained that we would wait to eat them until later when we were hungry, but she kept asking every 30 seconds or so. In the taxi, she was pretending to open the package, and actually did. So E took the package and gave her some gum. Ca was wounded and sullen for the rest of the taxi ride. These moments always have us second-guessing the parenting decisions we make.

2. In the shops, there were many items that Ca saw and asked for. Most of them we said no to, and most of the time she accepted our ‘no’ very graciously. One bilingual shop owner actually told us that as she was putting an item back, she told him “My mom says we can’t buy this one. Thanks!”

3. There were a few times when we were purchasing something she was interested in, often when she didn’t expect it, and she did a little victory dance when we told her. It was really cute.

4. One shop we went into had a Good Humor freezer outside, and as we were leaving, there was a family there buying ice cream. Ca really really REALLY wanted some ice cream and wouldn’t walk with us after we told her no. It’s hard to stay together as a family and make sure our child doesn’t feel abandoned when she wants to isolate herself from us. These are some of the times we’re glad that I is here with us. He can bridge gaps we can’t.

5. When we finally opened the finger biscuits (they tasted just like animal crackers) for a mid-morning snack, Ca did her little happy dance, and enjoyed them thoroughly.

6. Ca was taking pictures of the statues in the park as we were approaching the restaurant where we were going to have lunch. Usually when she’s using E’s phone to take pictures, she does an excellent job of taking a few and when we say “okay” or “all done” she finishes up, turns off the phone and willingly hands it back to us. (Like, we are really impressed with her self-control) When it was time to go in to the restaurant, she uncharacteristically wouldn’t give the phone back, and after repeated requests, E took the phone away. Ca was sullen and wouldn’t come towards the restaurant. We had to explain to I that we couldn’t just go and hope she’d follow, because she probably didn’t understand yet that we would never abandon her. Eventually she came around, and finished the (very large) package of finger biscuits at the table while the rest of us ate lunch. It must be so difficult to be going through all these new experiences - both the tourist-y ones and the I’m-a-daugher-now ones - and not be able to express your feelings to the people around you in a way they can understand. This precious girl has a lot of hills to climb and losses to overcome, just to be herself in a family.

7. Ca is making tremendous progress with feeling comfortable in the pool. The pool at our current hotel does not have any shallow end or steps, so she’s limited (by her comfort level) to the ladder or Mama’s arms (sorry, Daddy!) Today she was taking her feet off the rungs, bouncing up and down in the water, and stretching her legs out behind her to kick! I wish we could keep swimming everyday once we got home… she’d be swimming independently in no time.

8. The elevators in our hotel have mirrored doors, and we like to do an elevator boogie when we’re in there alone. Today we took the elevator to a different floor, and there were mirrors in the hallway, and we continued our music-free dance party after we got off. It was a blast!

9. Before dinner we were back to the hotel room to change from swimming. Ca discovered the J&J babywash bottle the hotel staff leaves for new adoptive families and decided it would be fun to put it on her hand…in the living room. I (B) asked her to give it to me, but she refused laughingly and began to try to run away. That’s when I panicked and lost my temper. I grabbed her roughly by the upper arm and she tumbled to the floor. I was so ashamed and disappointed in myself, but quickly realized that merely feeling badly didn’t help my daughter feel safe. I had to find a way to communicate my remorse to her. E remembered that we had a Chinese language book for adoptive families that contained the phrase for “I’m sorry.” So Ca retreated to the corner while Mama & Daddy thumbed through the Chinese/English book looking for the right sentence. I hastily memorized the phrase (thinking to myself I might need this one in the future too), then moved close - but not too close - and said “dway boo chee”. The Lord must have given me decent enough pronunciation because she stopped giving me the wounded look and began to smile after about 15 seconds. I was so thankful. A short time later, I had to go to the lobby on an errand and Ca wanted to go with me. She never wants to go with me solo anywhere. We held hands, she asked to be picked up, we danced in the elevator, we rode the escalator, we even skipped together! Totally melted my Daddy heart. 

10. At bedtime tonight, Ca let us know that she didn’t want the boys to leave tonight - she wanted all 4 of us to go to bed at the same time. We tried to explain that it wasn’t yet time for I to go to bed, but that Mama and Daddy would lay down with her. When she understood that I wasn’t coming, we saw withdrawn/scared/nonverbal girl come out again. There must be something scary to her about going to bed while other people are still awake. We sang to her, tried to stroke her hair (she pulled away), and sat with her until her feet fell asleep. It was comical to see how she responded to the pins-and-needles sensation. We think she must experience it as burning, because she wanted to put her feet in cold water. 10 minutes later, I was willing to sit in his bed in the dark and listen to his audio book while the three of us laid in bed together. And Ca was willing to come to bed. After a few minutes of energetic flopping around, she settled in to her hold-Mama’s-hand-suck-thumb position and fell asleep.

Please pray for Ca and her anxiety about going to bed when not everyone else is. Please pray that we would have wisdom about how to handle bedtime once we’re home. Pray that conversations with Ca through bilingual adoption agency staff will help shed some light on why this is so distressing to our little sweetheart.

We have another free day tomorrow (Monday), but have to be back to our room no later than 3:00, in case the results of Ca’s blood test require more medical checks. Tuesday most of the families go for their visa processing, but we and one other family won’t go until Wednesday. We have a Wednesday appointment because something about the Beijing process takes longer than the other provinces. So Tuesday will be a free day for us, and Wednesday we’ll head to the US consulate.

Chinese ladies use these beautiful umbrellas as sunshades. E likes it too!

We're pretty sure this lady was a model. Mostly because the "groom" seemed completely disinterested in her.

Ca takes great photos

a koi pond on the island with sculptures in it

The sign appears to show that you must fist-bump your child as you use the revolving door.
We were the only family to do so.

The White Swan Hotel's lobby not only has excellent bathrooms,
but appears to be a major tourist attraction for other reasons as well.

A shop owner showed E a new style for Ca's hair - cute!

The soft-serve melted in about 92.3 seconds in the heat. But it was tasty!