Happy Anniversary!

Seventeen years ago today, I married my best friend. We've jumped into some pretty crazy stuff together, and I'm so very blessed to be by his side through it all. Wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's. I love you so much, B!

I don't have our wedding photo, but here's one from our first year of marriage when we were both in my cousin's wedding...

My Sweet Stranger

Holding her while she falls asleep, spooned together with my hand cupping her soft cheek as she clutches my arm to her chest, I am thoughtful. I have been comforting her when she cries, feeding her every time she's hungry - even in the middle of the night. I am learning to love by giving - isn't that how it's designed to work? Whether it's your newborn, 6-year-old, or spouse...

But she is still a stranger. I find that the feelings I have for her are different than the feelings I have for my other three - the ones I know so well. There are glimpses of the overwhelming Mama-love, but it's definitely something that will grow, rather than something that hits me all at once.

We had some really sweet moments today. Sorting through the bin of hand-me-downs to find what fits now, what's too small, and what we'll keep for when she's bigger. She kept pulling things out of the bin, oohing and aahing over them, and with saucer-eyes, asking, "wo-de?" "mine?" Yes, sweetheart. A whole dresser full of clothes just for you.

She wanted to mow the lawn again - had a lot of fun mowing with Daddy on Wednesday, and was keen to do it again. I used the translator app to explain that we only had to do it when the grass was long - we'd do it again next week when siblings were at school. Where would Daddy be, she asked? Oh, he'll go to work on Monday. And what about Mama, she inquired? I'll be here with you. Squeals and happy hugs. I want Mama to come to school with me she says through the app. Lord, help her understand on Wednesday when the other three get on the bus that she's not going yet. Help her to still be happy that we'll be home together. And if she's not happy, help me find ways to comfort her.

We also had a 'top-five' struggle today too. Ca had been cutting out passport-sized photos of B, I, and myself (leftovers from the adoption process - sure you can use the scissors, sweetie!) and was all done. 6 neat little squares. She came in with them clutched in her hand and told me she wanted something. Her gestures made it look like she wanted some sort of writing implement, to write on the back of the photos. I happened to be sitting next to a cup containing pens, pencils, markers and highlighters. They were NOT what she wanted. Time for the app.

She continued gesturing, and the app was entirely unhelpful. Telling me that she was saying things like "coke eight" and "bail father." We tried a dictionary, but we couldn't tell which letters to use in pinyin. She was getting agitated. She's telling us, over and over, the name of the thing she wants, and both of us are completely unable to determine it. Poor dear was completely undone with frustration. I was trying to redirect her with juice and pretzels. Thankfully B didn't give up, and eventually found something in the dictionary that matched what she was saying and actually made sense. Ca wanted a glue stick. Of course! Found the glue stick, stroked hair, wiped tears, cleaned up the juice, and thanked the Lord for language tools, persistence, and for His provision of all.

As I begin to think about Monday, when B goes back to work and I'm home with the 4 kids all day, I begin to feel anxious. With B home, and both of us helping out, it's still all we can do to both shower, feed everyone, and barely keep up with the dishes. And Wednesday, when I have to juggle getting 3 kids on the bus and helping the fourth understand she's not going yet. And as I'm feeling overwhelmed, I walk into my living room and see this sign:

 

God knows completely what He's doing. He's got this, even when I don't. Father, help me to depend on you. Give me strength to give my kids what they need. Help me to remember your trustworthiness and sufficiency and to trust in it. Help us all to get to the bus on time and in one piece.

First family picture.

Have a silly day!

Tuesday is it?

We got home Saturday night and it’s now Tuesday night. So that means that we’ve been home 3 days. We got through the voicemails, triaged the emails, and sorted the mail/paid the bills. Haven’t unpacked yet. Ca is a joy, and very verbal/responsive. But the language barrier and our desire to connect with her means that one of us (almost always B or E, but occasionally I or Co) needs to provide direct supervision every waking moment. It’s kind of like having a 24-month-old who doesn’t nap, sleeps like a newborn at night, and runs with the speed of a 6-year-old. Today she ran around with the neighborhood kids a lot, and tonight she ate more food in 2 hours than she’s eaten in the last two days, so we are hopeful that she will sleep better.

We’ve had a few really funny or frustrating instances of using our translator app (iTranslate) for communication since we’ve been home, but tonight, we had two moments of God-given understanding through the means of the app. 

The first one was about her snack. She wanted something that used to be on the counter, and was apparently round, but the size of a loaf of bread (?) judging by her hand motions. We were stumped. She kept saying one word over and over (and may have been thinking,’what kind of people are these that they can’t understand a simple word?’) so we repeated it back until she was satisfied with our pronunciation and then spoke into the app - “Peaches” (!) Hooray, we knew what she wanted! Unfortunately, the peaches that we have aren’t ripe. (They were in a paper bag on the counter to ripen, which is why Ca couldn’t find them). So now we had identified what she wanted, but weren’t going to give it to her! With the help of the app, we were able to explain that they weren’t sweet now, but would be in a few days - and our previously frustrated little girl happily chose grapes and melon instead. Thank you, Lord!

The other one was about Ca’s hair - she’d really like it to be longer, but apparently (perhaps because of regular cuts when she lived in the orphanage?) has very little idea about how fast hair grows. After discussing it on the plane, she asked again tonight if she could have long hair like Co. We told her (with the app) that she would have to wait and it would grow - she used the app and asked ‘how long do I have to wait’? Then we used the app and explained that the longer you wait, the longer it grows. Then she took the phone again to use the Mandarin -> English setting and said “Aaah, Thank you!”. No translation necessary. :)

I (E) have been astonished and humbled by the energy that I’ve had. Since feeling physically miserable and emotionally drained on the trip home, I’ve not gotten a solid night’s sleep yet. But I’ve had plenty of energy and a fair amount of patience with Ca, and have felt very grateful. 

B got a decent night’s sleep last night and is feeling approximately human. He’s also gotten accustomed to not going to work and is looking for ways to telecommute. :-) Just kidding. He’s grateful that he has the flexibility to be home right now. We know lots of other families don’t have that luxury. 

I is doing well with sleep reclamation, but unfortunately injured his shoulder since arriving home. Please pray for his healing. His pain is small, but he’s lost a considerable amount of strength since the injury. We’ll probably be heading to a doctor soon for some help. 

Co is catching up on all the hugs she missed while we were apart. She’s enjoying her brothers again and is finding ways to have fun with Ca - doing hair together, sharing dolls, playing in the sandbox.

S is adjusting to life as no longer youngest. It’s tough, but we know he’ll do well because he has such perseverance. We are working to help him appreciate his new special big brother role and his continuing value as son. 

All four kids, together!

Time zone oops

Just realizing we had the blog set to Pacific time. So we presume all prior posts are timestamped wrong. We apologize for any inconvenience.

Friday & Saturday: Hong Kong & homecoming

This will be a lame post. It’s 3 days late and has no pictures. We’re tired & a little overwhelmed. Better stuff to follow soon. We promise!

B’s first impression of Hong Kong: Oh right, they drive on the wrong side. Dang Brits. Escalators are on the wrong side too. What wasn’t clear was the walking convention. Do you stay left or right?

B’s second impression: Everything costs way too much. This really bugged me more than it should have. Of course we only bought things in the airport hotel, but still >$100 for dinner & dessert?!?! I’ll be happy to leave this behind.

Bed time was a bit of a disaster. Our room was reasonable in size, but smaller than the others so no visual separation. We struggled…a lot. Finally got to sleep through some tears.

Major misunderstandings this morning with Ca. All the barrettes were used at once. It was cute. Until we had to take off the nightgown. They got bumped, then angrily removed. She became indecipherable in her sadness and anger. She was repeating the same phrase again and agin, but was doing it in such a way that no one could have understood her. It was whiny and indistinct, probably due to the fact that she knew that even if she were clear, we wouldn’t be able to understand because our language is so poor. Was it the seams in the socks, the shoes themselves, the pants? We were stumped for about 15 minutes when her big brother redirected her. That moved her from naked to clothed in yesterday’s outfit, but still barefooted. Then we had another indecipherable spell…all of this while we’re hurrying to pack for the flight and get out the door. Really frustrating for all of us. I (big brother) was a huge help and in far more control of himself than either Mama or Daddy. 

Flight delayed by 60 minutes. Strange since the plane had been in Hong Kong for more than 14 hours.

The plane flight was difficult. 15 hours is a long time to be stuck in one place. Plus turbulence is scary. Very little sleep for everyone involved. Not to mention, E & B had both developed colds in Hong Kong and were congested. E had the worst of it with a perpetually runny nose. Along the way we got some help from a flight attendant and a stranger at translating, but still there were several angry, frustrated, scared, misunderstood times. E took the brunt of these times too since Ca wanted nothing to do with Daddy once more. One thing we learned…Ca wants her hair to grow longer. We told her that was fine with us and she was happy. The flight from Newark was uneventful though our tickets were for four completely separate seats. The airline was no help, telling us from the time we bought the tickets that there was nothing they could do until we actually got to Newark. In Newark the gate agent couldn’t help either, telling me that he wished we had talked to him sooner. After 15 hours in one of their planes, I (B) was in no mood to be scolded. I had to bite my tongue…this was for the best for a number of reasons, not least of which was by this time I was approaching incoherence and probably would have had trouble composing a complete sentence with which to express my deep dissatisfaction. In the end, the other passengers came to our aid and happily swapped seats so we could all sit together…and Ca actually slept until the plane landed, startling awake at the last second. Not the best way to wake but the sleep was good.

We were delighted to be home and to be greeted by about 30 friends and family at the airport. Thank you so much for coming to see us! We are so grateful for your love and support. S & Co were ecstatic (as were we) at the reunion. Of course we were exhausted so we only stayed for 15 or 20 minutes. The ride home was a thrill for Ca, sitting in her car seat and sharing the van with her family. Several weeks ago E had compiled a photo book for her which showed lots of sights from home - brothers & sister, grandparents, the bedrooms & kitchen of our house, the van and her car seat. It was clear that she knew each of these people and things from the book when she saw them in person. 

The first night was hard for all of us. Ca didn’t fall asleep until after midnight and was up just about every hour. B’s parents took care of I, Co & S so the other 3 of us slept in until noon. 

The second night was nearly as eventful…though we are adjusting gradually. 

Expected home on time

We have finished the first, and loooooooonnnggest, leg of our flight and expect to depart as scheduled for our final flight. Hope to see some of you soon!

Thursday: The theory of (not so special) relativity…and some other news.

I & I (B) were discussing Mr. Einstein’s work earlier today. Well, that’s not entirely true. Rather, we were alluding to it. He said time seems to be passing more slowly here in Guangzhou than in Beijing; I thought just the opposite. When I asked him why, he said that in Beijing we had more appointments to keep and more scheduled activities. Here in Guangzhou our time has been largely unstructured. I told him that I had noticed the same circumstances, but felt that as a consequence our time in Guangzhou tended to blur together and was indistinct. From my perspective this made Guangzhou time move more quickly than Beijing time. From this, I conclude that he was moving at nearly the speed of light while in Beijing, while I have been moving at nearly that speed while in Guangzhou. Yet, we have always been in close proximity to one another throughout our trip. Consequently, there must be some sort of folding or contortion of space-time that puts portions of both Guangzhou and Beijing both very near one another and very far. Otherwise we’d have been separated by millions of miles by now. (I’m sure my friend Dave will come up with a better explanation for all this. Maybe it’s just something we ate. And now we digress…)

Today was mostly a day of waiting. After breakfast, E was not feeling especially well (having slept poorly) and decided on a nap. I, Ca & I (B) took the opportunity to go visit the other big park near the hotel. While looking out the window at breakfast, I said he thought it was probably 60°F outside mostly because it was so overcast. I reminded him that we were still in Guangzhou (despite his traveling at nearly the speed of light) and that it was probably 80°F even without the sunshine. Turns out we both underestimated the temperature. By 11 when we started our walk it was already 88°F and climbing with humidity above 70%. Quite lovely. :-(

The park was gorgeous. Very well-maintained, while also feeling very natural. Tons of ground cover of many varieties everywhere you look. Paths were narrower and the park was tree-covered throughout so shady and close feeling. We saw a lady doing tai chi, people of all ages playing a version of hacky-sack with something resembling a shuttlecock, five women practicing a traditional dance, and several old men writing poetry in water on the sidewalks - a sort of temporary graffiti. We visited the Five Rams Sculpture and set off to see the Water Tower, but only made it as far as the Ancient Guangzhou City Wall before we collectively tuckered out and went back to see Mama. By that time, all 3 of us were dripping in sweat. Despite the weather, it was a delightful excursion. Ca wanted me to carry her for a good portion of the walk. She has learned to use the phrase “Please bàba/māma bǎo wǒ” (Please Daddy/Mama, hold me) when she wants to be picked up. We both work hard to respond with an enthusiastic “yes” every time. She’s a quick learner. 

The poets/calligraphers and their work

Chinese is such a beautiful language!

The "Famous Five Rams Sculpture"

It's really big - see the kids in the front?

Oh, THERE they are!

This afternoon we tried to go to the pool, but there was a thunderstorm. So we went to Starbucks instead. We had delayed the pool trip for about an hour and a half in order to do some packing so Ca’s patience had worn thin. At Starbucks, she did a poor job sharing the food and drink and was generally hard to get along with. So we went for a walk in the hotel’s courtyard. By this time the rain had let up. We played with bubbles and balloons and explored the courtyard’s fountains, pools and waterfall. 

Looking at the waterfall, E was thinking about God’s goodness and creativity. He invented waterfalls. The geology required for a waterfall to form, as we understand it, has something to do with differing densities of rock in close proximity to one another…kind of complicated. And yet, there have got to be millions of waterfalls all over the world, of many different kinds. God invented waterfalls, and made each one uniquely beautiful. And the same God who made waterfalls made adoption. And has brought our family to this place, to this adoption of this little girl. We can trust His power and sovereignty. Thank you, God, for this good, hard thing.

Enjoying the garden

This waterfall is man-made, and it's STILL beautiful!

Eventually, the pool reopened and we spent about an hour there together. Our time in the pool is generally a very positive time. We have realized that because we understand approximately a toddler’s vocabulary in Chinese, Ca only can be understood by us at a toddler’s level without outside help. As such, she is occasionally reduced to toddler-like communication: whining and pointing. It helps to remember that this is not all that she’s capable of, and it will not be this way forever.

Midway through our pool time, E went to the lobby to meet with our guide, and receive Ca’s visa - the reason we came to Guangzhou and spent our second week in China. Ca is ready to go to the US! 

It's Official! E added the plumeria for an artistic touch.

After showers, we headed out to “the noodle place” - our favorite restaurant here. The food is fantastic and costs a fraction the price of everywhere else we’ve seen. We have eaten there every night except one and haven’t found a single item we dislike. We returned home (to the hotel room) and attempted to get Ca to bed. She really didn’t want to go to bed and resisted especially when Daddy said he was going to work on the computer while she slept. After much back and forth we decided the best (or maybe, only) way forward was for everyone to go to bed at the same time. So, we turned out the lights and all went to bed until Ca was asleep. This is a frustrating thing for the other three of us. We feel more than a little trapped and don’t know how to do this any better, especially since we don’t have the language to persuade or convince our little girl that this is the way it works with people of different ages. When we arrive home, we’ll need to find a way to navigate this…not sure how right now.

Tomorrow we head to Hong Kong via train. Friday we depart for the US via plane (of course!). It should be interesting… If you think to do so, please pray for our travels. We need to be fever free in order to travel into Hong Kong. (It’s part of China, but is governed largely independently so lots of rules are different there.) Nobody’s got a fever at the moment so we’ll probably be fine, but one never knows. For example, a family of 4 was here to pick up their new son. His passport was being held in his home province at the police station for processing. During a fire drill someone accidentally operated a pull station that released toxic gases into the building (we presume this chemical was some sort of extinguishing agent). The building needed to remain evacuated for 72 hours which of course delayed the passport’s arrive in Guangzhou. Dad & new son had to extend their stay an extra four days and bade farewell to the rest of the family who departed for home yesterday. In adoption, anything can happen. That’s part of the fun! Keep an open mind and do your best to enjoy the ride!

We would love to have you meet us at our hometown airport Saturday night if you live nearby. You can get the lowdown here. A little disclaimer here. We will do our best to provide updates here on our travel progress if we’re able.

To end our post...a bonus silly picture!

Wednesday: A brief visit to US soil

As I understand it, a foreign consulate is actually under the jurisdiction of the presiding nation. So technically, when we went to the US consulate today, we went to the US for an hour. Security checkpoint, signs in English, only western toilets…it was nice. There were also windows like at our local Social Security office or DMV where they call your number and you talk to someone through glass. And they all spoke great English. Our process went smoothly - we took an oath that we hadn’t falsified any documents, answered one question about Ca’s medical history, and we were all set. Tomorrow at 4:30 we should receive Ca’s entry visa to the US, and as soon as we get through immigration at the Newark airport, she’ll be an American citizen. Crazy.

Despite an early start, we had a painless trip to the consulate, and came back for second breakfast. Ca had only had Skippy and Saltines for breakfast, and was hungry - and the buffet was still open. B, E, and I felt like hobbits.  :)

After second breakfast, we gathered our things from the room and set out for our adventure for the day - a walk to the park for a boat ride on the lake. On the way out, we encountered a number of things that Ca had enjoyed at earlier times, but we weren’t doing right now - getting to carry (& swing) the hotel umbrella, playing on Mama’s phone, a treat at the convenience store where we get water, ice cream at the McDonald’s next to the hotel. By the time we were half a block on our outing, our little girl was frustrated and stuck. Today she did stuck just by not cooperating - she sat down and wouldn’t walk with us anymore. She allowed I to sit by her, but B and E couldn’t get too close or she’d move away. So we were trying to think of how to reach her - a playful way to engage and connect with her to draw her back to relationship. Just as we’d come up with what seemed like a good idea, she stood up and started walking with I. The rest of the day was much better. Had a blast on the boat (got super-sweaty, like anything outdoors at mid-day in Guangzhou), had ice cream on the way home, went swimming, went to dinner. One more day down.

Tomorrow, if the Lord wills, we get her visa at 4:30 pm. Then depart the hotel Friday morning and begin our trip home. With fewer official commitments and no planned outings, the days are beginning to blur together. We’re tired of being away.

Ca is remarkably willing to get her face wet - in the pool, in the shower, in the tub. She LOVES swimming!

She's making a lot of progress in the pool with all the swimming we're doing. Yes, that's I floating nearby.

Ca with our agency's primary guide - a highly experienced woman who is excellent at both
 handling the details of adoption and working with families and children as they adjust. 

At the lake, everybody but Mama took a turn driving the battery-powered motorboat. 

Selfie!

Having lots of fun 

Totally worth the $10USD.

Movie star is ready for dinner. Ca loves the sunglasses - they're a gift from
a 4-year-old friend of ours who is very excited for Ca to come home.

Walking to our favorite restaurant.

Little restaurant. Tiny stools. Most diners are alone.
The staff doesn't speak English, but they know Ca by name
and know how to help us feel comfortable.

Happy girl eating ice cream in the air-conditioned hotel lobby!

Tuesday

Well, some of the “bumps” I mentioned in the last post began to show up today. Certainly our most difficult day with Ca so far. We saw how frustrating it must be to be stuck living with people who won’t do the things you want, or give you the things you want, and can’t even talk to you about it like reasonable people.

We had another free day, so ventured out to a local market to look for some tea. It was sunny for the first time today, which was lovely - and very hot. 

We don’t actually remember all the details of the difficulties we had, but do recall spending more than an hour sitting on a sidewalk, wracking our 3 brains collectively to figure out how to get Ca unstuck. We had told her no 3 or 4 times in a row over the course of the morning - about ice cream, snacks, and probably something else. She was so upset and saddened by these refusals that she chose not to walk any further and wouldn’t allow us to pick her up. Together, we were stuck, quite literally, with her. To break this log jam, we chose to use the snacks and, more importantly, to play with them. We have a long series of goofy photos of us putting the cracker sticks into our mouths, ears, noses, etc. We’ll spare you most of those pics. Needless to say, we got more than a few strange looks from passersby. Though, one guy gave us a thumbs up.

Within an hour, we were again stuck because of her frustrations and ended up drawing on the sidewalk and playing other games with the water we had packed. All this delay resulted in postponement of I’s desired activity - paddleboat on the lake. He has been so understanding and gracious. We have found it difficult to make sure he has a voice throughout this trip and are trying to include him in the decision-making when possible.

I (E) was very irritated with Ca today. She has been loud, childish, obstinate, and grumpy. All of these things are completely reasonable for her to have been, given her history and her circumstances. I have been intolerant and childishly impatient with her. B has been very patient with both of us, reminding me that in order for her to learn better patterns of behavior, she has to feel safe, secure, and loved regardless of her behavior. Our Heavenly Father certainly sets the standard for loving inconveniently. So I am driven back to dependence on Him for a supernatural source of charitable judgements, patience, and wisdom.

Of course my sweet girl doesn’t know yet how to be considerate, gracious, or self-controlled. Without a family, she’s never had the opportunity to learn. It’s my job to teach her that she is precious and loved whether or not she is kind, reasonable, or polite. Her value is not dependent on her willingness to keep the water in the bathtub, only spit outside or in the trash can, or use her “indoor voice.” She is fearfully and wonderfully made - beyond price to her Heavenly Father. Lord, help me to see her as you see her, and love her as you love her. Give me your perspective, and help me to trust you for the resources I need to show her how incredibly precious she is.

Despite the struggles, we made a lot of progress today with “using your words” - Ca’s been very responsive to our requests for her to ask for what she wants/needs. She’s got a great “Chinglish” request for Mama to carry her (which she asks frequently). “Mama, please ba wo” (‘carry me’, I think.)She learned how to knock on the closed door before entering the bathroom today (thanks to I for being such a patient responder to our repeated requests).

It occurred to me tonight, as I accidentally rinsed my toothbrush in the non-potable tap water, to be grateful that we are more than 3/4 of the way through our time in China, and none of us have gotten GI sick. No food poisoning or other vomiting, diarrhea, etc. I’s throat/fever is completely healed, and neither B nor I have gotten such a full version of what he had. Thank you, Lord, for the health we have enjoyed so far!

Here in this tropical climate, nearly all the public shrubbery grows beautiful flowers.
The median strips are filled with flowering bougainvillea!

stuck.

Playing with water on a beautiful day at the park

From far away, we thought this was a playground. Turns out it's some kind of
public gymnasium with various bodyweight exercise equipment. Another time we visited,
it was absolutely packed with adults in street clothes (we saw one woman in heels
and another in a business suit) vigorously exercising. Truly fascinating.

TB free! …and a day at the zoo

Today was rather uneventful, and for that we’re grateful. We learned just after breakfast that the results from Ca’s blood test show that she is TB-free. This was the next major hurdle to cross (jump over? oh wait, don’t you hurdle a hurdle? so confusing). That meant we had the day completely free. We went to the zoo with another adoptive family from the Fresno, CA area. Their daughter is also six and while the two girls didn’t exactly hit it off immediately, I think it was nice for them to have someone else their size around. It certainly was nice for the adults to share some conversation. 

The zoo itself was a bit of a strange affair. In addition to the animal exhibits there is an amusement park which looked to have a carnival-type feel to it. We chose the zoo-only tickets and paid 50 yuan for all 4 of us (less than $10). The zoo property reminded me of the home of someone who’s lived in the same place for decades - the wallpaper’s 20 years out of fashion, everything could use a new coat of paint, and all the proportions reflect the sensibilities of an earlier age. This lent a charming, homey air to the whole environment. It was by no means state-of-the-art and, therefore, lacked the sterility of newer establishments. The place seemed very at home with itself, content to be just as it was, and like many content people it was eccentric.

It was interesting to see the animals - many familiar; several very different. There were flamingos, hippos, and a variety of monkeys. Birds came in all shapes, sizes and colors.

Perhaps most alarming to us westerners was the near compulsion that seemed to grip the populace, in every instance where it was even remotely practicable, to feed the animals. People tossed bits of fruit and biscuits to the bear swimming below them, they lobbed hunks of bread into the lake to watch the fish swarm, and even climbed atop curbing to reach above the 8-foot glass wall in order to hand potato chips to a monkey through chainlink fencing. All this was done guilelessly, artlessly even, in plain sight of anyone who cared to notice. Indeed, crowds often gathered to see the results. Either the zookeepers were off-duty or they’ve come to accept this behavior as normal.

After about 3 hours of walking around, B, E, and I had had about enough sweating, so we called it quits, although we hadn’t seen the whole zoo. Came home and as we were entering the hotel, Ca asked a question I love: “yo-yo ma” We think this means “Swimming?” but it makes me laugh to think of cellos. We were astonished to be able to show her an analog watch and a digital clock, and demonstrate that right now it was 1:55, and we’d go swimming at 2:30. She seemed to understand completely and was completely content. We were floored, not only that she accepted delayed gratification so easily, but that she had such a clear understanding of the passage of time! Somebody’s been teaching our little girl very well.

I (E) should mention here that we feel completely blessed and humbled by the health, intelligence, verbal skills, and bonding ability our girl has demonstrated in the last 8 days. Every Chinese person that we speak with who has experience with adopted kids has commented on how well she is adjusting, what an engaging and intelligent child she is, and how well she speaks for a child her age. We know that there may - and likely will - be bumps ahead on our road together, but we are inexpressibly grateful for how easy our time with Ca in China has been.  

On a sad note, we lost more than a day’s worth of photos that I took. We all, and he especially, were sad they’re gone. 

We were really sad to lose the photos that I took at the zoo. 

He's a great photographer.

Ca certainly has a unique sense of composition

Shamian Island (Sunday)

Today was a “free day.” From an adoption processing perspective, we’re not sure if that means that the government offices are all closed so nothing can happen, or if that means that someone is processing some paperwork so we’re waiting for that to get done. In any case, we had nothing official to do, and a day we could do whatever we wanted.

We slept in, enjoyed the expansive breakfast buffet and some conversations with other families here to process their children’s adoption, and then took a short taxi ride to a nearby island. As far as we can tell, Shamian Island is a sort-of historical preservation site/public park/shopping area.

We saw lots of bronze sculptures depicting various scenes in Chinese history, and apparently, the history of the island (with Western characters/influences). We saw some interesting architecture, and a number of locations where photographers appeared to be photographing models for a clothing catalog. We were asked to pose with strangers because we are tall white people (kind of fun - we feel famous), and finished nearly all the shopping we were hoping to do in China. Interestingly, many of the shops selling souvenirs have English names (Michael’s Place, Jenny’s Place, Amy’s Place, China Doll, etc.) and are very clearly catering to the adoptive family clientele. Lots of t-shirts with mei mei, (little sister), di di (little brother), ba ba (daddy), “Made in China” (for your adopted child to wear), etc. We also encountered a number of shop owners who sold explicitly Christian items (jade crosses, bilingual Bibles, scripture plaques) and told us that they were Christian. It was hard to tell if they were genuine or seeking to connect with potential customers, but we pray that God uses them to spread the gospel in China in any case.

We had a number of challenges with Ca today, and a number of great blessings. 

1.We stopped at the 7-Eleven on the way out to get water and a few snacks (our home-brought stash is running low). In the store, Ca asked for many different candies, to which we said no, and then a package of “finger biscuits” which looked cracker-like and we purchased. She was very happy, and insisted on carrying them. We explained that we would wait to eat them until later when we were hungry, but she kept asking every 30 seconds or so. In the taxi, she was pretending to open the package, and actually did. So E took the package and gave her some gum. Ca was wounded and sullen for the rest of the taxi ride. These moments always have us second-guessing the parenting decisions we make.

2. In the shops, there were many items that Ca saw and asked for. Most of them we said no to, and most of the time she accepted our ‘no’ very graciously. One bilingual shop owner actually told us that as she was putting an item back, she told him “My mom says we can’t buy this one. Thanks!”

3. There were a few times when we were purchasing something she was interested in, often when she didn’t expect it, and she did a little victory dance when we told her. It was really cute.

4. One shop we went into had a Good Humor freezer outside, and as we were leaving, there was a family there buying ice cream. Ca really really REALLY wanted some ice cream and wouldn’t walk with us after we told her no. It’s hard to stay together as a family and make sure our child doesn’t feel abandoned when she wants to isolate herself from us. These are some of the times we’re glad that I is here with us. He can bridge gaps we can’t.

5. When we finally opened the finger biscuits (they tasted just like animal crackers) for a mid-morning snack, Ca did her little happy dance, and enjoyed them thoroughly.

6. Ca was taking pictures of the statues in the park as we were approaching the restaurant where we were going to have lunch. Usually when she’s using E’s phone to take pictures, she does an excellent job of taking a few and when we say “okay” or “all done” she finishes up, turns off the phone and willingly hands it back to us. (Like, we are really impressed with her self-control) When it was time to go in to the restaurant, she uncharacteristically wouldn’t give the phone back, and after repeated requests, E took the phone away. Ca was sullen and wouldn’t come towards the restaurant. We had to explain to I that we couldn’t just go and hope she’d follow, because she probably didn’t understand yet that we would never abandon her. Eventually she came around, and finished the (very large) package of finger biscuits at the table while the rest of us ate lunch. It must be so difficult to be going through all these new experiences - both the tourist-y ones and the I’m-a-daugher-now ones - and not be able to express your feelings to the people around you in a way they can understand. This precious girl has a lot of hills to climb and losses to overcome, just to be herself in a family.

7. Ca is making tremendous progress with feeling comfortable in the pool. The pool at our current hotel does not have any shallow end or steps, so she’s limited (by her comfort level) to the ladder or Mama’s arms (sorry, Daddy!) Today she was taking her feet off the rungs, bouncing up and down in the water, and stretching her legs out behind her to kick! I wish we could keep swimming everyday once we got home… she’d be swimming independently in no time.

8. The elevators in our hotel have mirrored doors, and we like to do an elevator boogie when we’re in there alone. Today we took the elevator to a different floor, and there were mirrors in the hallway, and we continued our music-free dance party after we got off. It was a blast!

9. Before dinner we were back to the hotel room to change from swimming. Ca discovered the J&J babywash bottle the hotel staff leaves for new adoptive families and decided it would be fun to put it on her hand…in the living room. I (B) asked her to give it to me, but she refused laughingly and began to try to run away. That’s when I panicked and lost my temper. I grabbed her roughly by the upper arm and she tumbled to the floor. I was so ashamed and disappointed in myself, but quickly realized that merely feeling badly didn’t help my daughter feel safe. I had to find a way to communicate my remorse to her. E remembered that we had a Chinese language book for adoptive families that contained the phrase for “I’m sorry.” So Ca retreated to the corner while Mama & Daddy thumbed through the Chinese/English book looking for the right sentence. I hastily memorized the phrase (thinking to myself I might need this one in the future too), then moved close - but not too close - and said “dway boo chee”. The Lord must have given me decent enough pronunciation because she stopped giving me the wounded look and began to smile after about 15 seconds. I was so thankful. A short time later, I had to go to the lobby on an errand and Ca wanted to go with me. She never wants to go with me solo anywhere. We held hands, she asked to be picked up, we danced in the elevator, we rode the escalator, we even skipped together! Totally melted my Daddy heart. 

10. At bedtime tonight, Ca let us know that she didn’t want the boys to leave tonight - she wanted all 4 of us to go to bed at the same time. We tried to explain that it wasn’t yet time for I to go to bed, but that Mama and Daddy would lay down with her. When she understood that I wasn’t coming, we saw withdrawn/scared/nonverbal girl come out again. There must be something scary to her about going to bed while other people are still awake. We sang to her, tried to stroke her hair (she pulled away), and sat with her until her feet fell asleep. It was comical to see how she responded to the pins-and-needles sensation. We think she must experience it as burning, because she wanted to put her feet in cold water. 10 minutes later, I was willing to sit in his bed in the dark and listen to his audio book while the three of us laid in bed together. And Ca was willing to come to bed. After a few minutes of energetic flopping around, she settled in to her hold-Mama’s-hand-suck-thumb position and fell asleep.

Please pray for Ca and her anxiety about going to bed when not everyone else is. Please pray that we would have wisdom about how to handle bedtime once we’re home. Pray that conversations with Ca through bilingual adoption agency staff will help shed some light on why this is so distressing to our little sweetheart.

We have another free day tomorrow (Monday), but have to be back to our room no later than 3:00, in case the results of Ca’s blood test require more medical checks. Tuesday most of the families go for their visa processing, but we and one other family won’t go until Wednesday. We have a Wednesday appointment because something about the Beijing process takes longer than the other provinces. So Tuesday will be a free day for us, and Wednesday we’ll head to the US consulate.

Chinese ladies use these beautiful umbrellas as sunshades. E likes it too!

We're pretty sure this lady was a model. Mostly because the "groom" seemed completely disinterested in her.

Ca takes great photos

a koi pond on the island with sculptures in it

The sign appears to show that you must fist-bump your child as you use the revolving door.
We were the only family to do so.

The White Swan Hotel's lobby not only has excellent bathrooms,
but appears to be a major tourist attraction for other reasons as well.

A shop owner showed E a new style for Ca's hair - cute!

The soft-serve melted in about 92.3 seconds in the heat. But it was tasty!

Medical exam & Guangzhou (Saturday)

Here we sit (on the group W bench :-)  ) [random song reference] in the health clinic with 10 other families with Holt International. Everyone is from the US except, of course, all the kids. It’s fun to have the other families to talk to, but also a little strange. China isn’t supposed to be this way. You know, not very Chinese.

Ca seemed to have fun with most of the health checks even making the third doctor laugh. She was a big distraction to him while he was filling in the forms - talking away at him - so much so that he had to actually tell her to wait. We all had a good time together. Her vision appears to be excellent, and she isn’t colorblind. They have a fabulous non-verbal vision test - hands of various sizes, with the fingers pointing in various directions. The nurse points to a hand, the child matches the direction of the fingers. Very impressive. Her final stop was to have blood drawn for a TB test. To keep the drama to a minimum, she goes alone - no parents, no interpreter, no Holt staff. Just the nurses. For many kids this is very traumatic, and we prayed and had candy ready for Ca when she came out. It turned out to be no big deal. She was in and out in 3 minutes, and she got a band-aid. No tears at all and not even a grimace. Totally blew us away. The nurse must have told her to apply pressure to the band-aid because she walked around arm extended squeezing the inside of her elbow for a good ten minutes. That’s pretty remarkable for a kid her age. God is caring for our little girl.

"Peeky, Peeky, Baba!" (Daddy was taking the photo)

Several of the families were substantially delayed arriving in Guangzhou yesterday. Those families who were affected by the typhoon had the worst trouble mostly because of more violent weather in that area. Some people didn’t arrive at the hotel until 3 or 4 am. We feel especially bad for these folks because they all have very young kids. We saw one 4 year-old passed out with his head on the dinner table.

In-hotel dining is very convenient and absurdly expensive. Yummy breakfast buffet is again included, but dining in the same restaurant for lunch or dinner can run $50 USD/person. So we go out - and thanks to Holt’s many years of experience at this hotel, we have many good recommendations for restaurants. We had dinner tonight at a restaurant that “has no name” according to the Holt staff - “the noodle place with the green roof.” Some of the best food we’ve had in China, fed all 4 of us for about $10 USD. We’re already plotting what we’re going to get there tomorrow! And a plus, Ca found 2 different foods at the same meal that she would eat… noodles and onion bread! It’s been funny because she’s been so selective about which foods she’ll eat (or even try) and super-selective about the temperature of the food. NOT COLD. Apparently, eating or drinking cold food or water will actually kill her. But also not too hot. She has either a sore or a scar on her tongue, and I can’t help but wonder if she’s been burned in the past by something too hot.

Another "Awwww" moment

Finally remembered to take a photo of our awesome food!

Our cutie & her yummy dinner

We love soup!

a funny statue outside a restaurant we walked by

After dinner, we walked back to the hotel. On the way, we passed a small jade shop that Isaac had been interested in. The plan was that the boys would go to the shop and give the girls a head start on bedtime. Ca was really not keen on the idea of missing out. E wanted to take her back, but Ca really wanted to go in. E’s adoption training kicked in, and she decided to let Ca go in for a quick tour and then head home. Fortunately, the store was pretty boring, so Ca was happy to leave after a once-around. Up to the room, Ca asked E if it was time for a bath - it’s become a bit of a ritual, even if we’ve already showered after swimming. E replied they’d just do lotion, unsure of how that would go over, prepared to be flexible. Ca was delighted, and hummed the start of Edelweiss, the song E’s been singing to her while they put lotion on after bath each night. 

(as a side note - when we talk about ‘asking’ and ‘replying’, nearly all of our communication with Ca consists of motions and noises, with a handful of Chinese words thrown in. For our sweet little chatterbox, we imagine this is somewhat frustrating, but it gets the job done 90% of the time. When she’s talking to a Chinese speaker, we often know what she’s saying just from a few key words and her mannerisms. It’ll get harder at home, we’re sure.)

As we were finishing lotion, the boys came back with a Kinder treat, which we shared. Then they were going to head to the lobby to give some space for Ca to fall asleep since our new room isn’t a suite. As they were getting ready to go, Ca went to the door and put on her shoes, and we expected a fit. Fortunately, some zooming noises on the way to the bathroom helped a bit, but Ca wasn’t interested in the typical synchronized brushing routine we usually perform. Pouting and refusing to brush. So E went ahead and brushed her own teeth, making funny faces. Ca tolerated - barely. Then, when E was done, she asked Ca if Mama could brush her teeth for her (emotionally preparing for the likelihood of dirty teeth) - and surprisingly, she cooperated. About halfway through, Ca took over and finished a thorough tooth-cleaning. What a blessing!  E chose not to fight the Ca-wants-to-sleep-in-E-&-B’s-bed battle tonight - the plan is to move her when we go to bed - and she was asleep in 15 minutes. Thank you, Lord!

Please keep praying for us - we’re aware that as things have been going well, we’ve been lulled into a bit of self-dependence. We want to be more aware of our need for our Heavenly Father, and more aware of His hand in our success.