6th(!) Week Since Adoption

It has seemed like a long week. Most days I've wanted to escape into brainless entertainment or sleep once the kids are all in bed. Having B around on the weekend gives me some mental and emotional space to think (and blog).

Tuesday's doctor's appointment went great. Thanks to all of you who were praying for us. I had spoken with her on Monday night about the plans for Tuesday. All morning on Tuesday Ca told me how she didn't want to go to the doctor and didn't want to get any shots. I assured her that I understood that she didn't want the shots. About 30 minutes before we would need to leave, I began to be concerned that I wouldn't be able to get her into the car. I called in some fabulous friends for an emergency visit to help with language, and she was willing to get into the car. I realized that I could express Ca's feelings and ask the doctor if we "really needed the shots." So when it was 'shot time,' we had a mock conversation where I expressed Ca's desire to NOT get the shots, and asked if there was any way we could avoid them. The very cooperative nurse explained (to me, in English) that no, we really needed them to keep Ca healthy. And I resignedly accepted that. And wouldn't you know, my sweet darling did too? Sat still, cooperated, exclaimed afterwards that it didn't hurt... Praise the Lord! And afterwards, we did this...

We shared. It was fabulous.

I am so humbled by her continued openness to us. She is sometimes so unreasonable and then floors me with how willing she is to accept a new plan, or someone's "no." I explained to Co earlier in the week that 'of course she's unreasonable with us sometimes - she doesn't share reasoning language with us!' And yet, during one of Friday's angry storms of tears, I was able to use my translation app to explain that I understood her frustration, and she calmed right down. Proof that she has the capacity to reason, she just lives with a bunch of people who speak the wrong language! (By the way, she wanted - perfectly sensibly - to be able to paint her fingernails by herself. No problem. She also wanted to have them look as beautiful as when I do it for her, and was really really frustrated that it wasn't working out that way.)

The development of her English skills is surprising all of us. We're also beginning to notice Chinese language loss, which is especially sad, and indicates to me that we'll be entering a difficult linguistic time soon.

I made a realization tonight at dinner. Ca was practicing her nightly litany of all the people who love her, and then commanding that all of us listen only to her and laugh at her jokes, (which ARE funny). It was rather irritating to have her be so self-focused and pushy. But then I realized that she was trying to learn to navigate something completely new. She probably never got this much affirmation at the orphanage, and probably had very limited (if any) opportunities to be self-determining. So she's trying to learn to live in a world where you sometimes get your way and you sometimes get everyone's attention - but how is she supposed to know which times you get your way and which times you get everyone's attention?  She's riding a pendulum at the moment - swung way out while trying to find the middle ground.

She delights in serving around all the servings of whatever's been dished up - and wants us all to thank her when the food is good. She reminds us all to pray (gestures the holding hands and closing eyes) and loudly says "MayMen!" at the end. She loves to help - vacuum, laundry, gardening, and is often fairly capable. Her laugh still delights me.

We have been trying to get everyone to SIT DOWN at the same time to eat. But between kids being involved in other activities, being blindingly angry, or otherwise uncooperative or unavailable, it has been a major challenge. Poor Ca is trying to understand why Mama and Daddy are asking her to come when it doesn't seem that anyone else is coming. And we're eating something she doesn't even want to eat! (Although I did make some pretty fabulous fried rice for dinner yesterday, and she gulped that down...)

Ca has been asking to sit on Daddy's lap at dinner, and he's said yes. But of course, when Ca gets to sit on Daddy's lap, everybody else wants to as well (to be honest, I hasn't asked). Which puts B on his new diet plan - if you can't reach your dinner, it's hard to eat your dinner. But boy, those kids are feeling loved!

We have determined that Ca is almost certainly chronically sleep deprived. She wakes early (4:30 am is typical) and sleeps restlessly for the last few hours. As soon as there's any activity - someone gets up or someone comes in (usually between 6-6:30) - she's up, awake for the day, and declaring her hunger. There is definitely some anxiety in that waking time. I went back and read my own blog post  to remind myself to be patient with sleep struggles. Attempts to get her to nap or to get to bed earlier have been soundly thwarted. We see that her exhaustion gives her fewer resources to cope with disappointment or being misunderstood. So this afternoon, B took her for a long car ride - drove laps around the expressways surrounding downtown. And she slept for 35 minutes and was generally much more pleasant. 

Friday was hard. B wasn't home until 7:00, and I'd had a really difficult day with Ca. I realized afterwards that I had been practicing to myself how difficult my day was, and feeling completely exhausted and generally martyr-like. Then I realized that this is my new normal and I need to find a way to live here rather than wishing for a break. Perhaps even embrace it as the season of life God has given me - for my good and His glory. Friday night I found this encouraging blog post. I'm not ready to embrace chaos-is-the-new-normal yet, but I'll keep you posted.

Ca rolled right into our annual family apple-picking tradition.

Had to stop for our traditional after-apple-picking snack - it's donut season!

Proof that all 6 of us went.

I'm pretty sure she already knew apples came from trees, but WOW! she had fun!

Oma came too!