"How is Carissa doing?"

How we appreciate this question! It can show love, care, and an appreciation for the enormous changes she is experiencing. We can answer "great" and be truthful. And there is much more to the story.

Ca has been with us for nearly a month - two weeks in China, and two weeks home. We have been astonished with the number of things she has NOT seemed to struggle with yet: she happily rides in the car, wears her seatbelt, washes her hands after she uses the bathroom, and washes her face when it's dirty. Doesn't seem to have any significant sensory issues regarding clothes and hasn't been very picky yet about what she wears. Willingly puts her dishes in the dishwasher, clothes in the hamper. Hasn't been overwhelmed by crowds or strangers or the quantity of books/stuff(/mess!) in our house. Has completely impressed us with her willingness to try new foods, her ability to sing along with songs she's just heard, and her cooperation when we pray at meals. Unpredictable pets and loud noises are understandably a bit scary. (But she was completely enthralled to have our pet snail Dusty climb all over her hands and arms!)

Like most kids, she longs for attention: wants to be watched while she does something impressive or funny, howls over small injuries because we come running. She is experimenting with becoming used to the idea of being precious.

She is learning (perhaps for the first time in her life) that people who like you and are usually kind and often give you what you want - sometimes tell you no. They won't always throw the ball exactly where you want them to throw it. They won't let you eat only Life cereal at every meal. And when we tell her no, she has the additional challenge that we don't have the language skills to be able to consider a possible counter-offer she might want to make. So sometimes our 'no' results in a very angry girl. And sometimes our 'no' simply gets ignored. But reasonably frequently, after a few seconds and perhaps a grumpy look, she will comply with us. We are thankful and humbled.

She is very capable and extremely critical of herself. In China, we observed that when copying English names (a string of vaguely familiar shapes), if she made a single tiny mistake she would scribble all over the page, tear it, puncture it, and generally show extreme displeasure, sometimes becoming angry with us if we were nearby. At home, playing ping-pong induced indignation when she missed the ball. We realized that she may not have had her efforts praised in the past, or been given any room to fail and try again. This past week she has been entertaining herself with a cutting workbook, and sometimes when she made a wrong cut, I (E) would tease a little with some playful drama over the mistake and bring in the tape with a flourish. And sometimes when she made a wrong cut, I would simply encourage her to keep on trying, or give her a little assistance over a difficult part. With just a few of these encounters, I am beginning to see a little softening in her responses to her failures.

Food is tricky. Everything here is new and unknown. Her likes change daily - so what she would eat yesterday, she might not eat anymore now. But she's not lost weight since being home, continues to tell us when she's hungry, and eats a surprising variety of different foods - just rarely what's being served right now. This is a difficult one for me, because I've made kids-who-eat-healthy-and-politely a big idol in the past - and I'm not really over it. But B and I have decided that we will present her at each meal with at least two dishes we are pretty sure she'll eat - usually includes Ramen noodles - and give her the opportunity to taste if she'd like. Yesterday she ate the first vegetables I can remember her eating since we met her - a zucchini/corn fritter that my mom made for dinner. (Yay & Thanks, Oma!)

Language development is a truly fascinating thing. I am absolutely astonished with how much we can communicate and play with just a few words combined with gestures and facial expressions. My Chinese vocabulary at this point consists of a handful of subjects and verbs. For the sake of keeping a record for the future, here's what I know in Chinese...

Subjects:

I/We/You/Y'all/Him/Her/Them (and possessives of each of those)

This one/That one*

Big Brother (I)

Big Sister (Co)

Second Brother (S)

Auntie

Grandpa/Grandma

Other nouns:

Water

Head (or maybe the word means Hair...?)*

Foot*

Moon*

House*

Sneakers*

Verbs:

Look

Want

Listen

Eat

Hurt

Know

Come

Pee

Poop

Adjectives:

Good/Not Good*

Big/Small*

Hungry*

More*

Cold

Misc:

I'm sorry

Hello

"What is this?" (so she can tell us the Chinese word for something)

Where*

*These are words we learned from Ca.

B had fun playing with her with a Chinese-English dictionary today. Turns out Ca actually knows a few words/characters beyond her name. Collectively, Ca and B and I (E) have the communication level of about a 3-year-old. Can't convey or understand wishes or preferences or ideas with any nuance. For most things (does she like this food, does she have to use the bathroom) we can get by, but if she wants to convey something beyond our immediate shared experiences, no can do.

Relationships are developing well. Our other kids have been truly fabulous - generous, patient, understanding for the most part. Of course there are moments when their sin becomes obvious, but we have been completely impressed with each of them. Ca pretty much thinks Co and I hung the moon, and is becoming more and more sweet with S. Another day today that was both tremendously hard and amazingly good. We are reminded that God gave each of our kids to the others RIGHT NOW for His purposes. The challenges that their individual developmental needs and their collective chemistry present are part of His plan for them and for us as their parents. It's not a mistake.

This morning we got to videochat with Ca's best friend from the orphanage, a little cutie who's being adopted to Arkansas. It was fascinating to watch a 6-year-old and 7-year-old who have so much more shared time with each other than they do with their families. The girls had an animated conversation, which neither of us moms could understand (outside of a few references to family members, crying, and airplanes). We are looking forward to continuing to cultivate that relationship.

I was hoping to post some photos, but technology isn't cooperating. Hopefully soon.