Holiday Weekend

  Ca had her first Thanksgiving, and met my (E's) cousin Laura and her husband Jim who came to visit and bless our family. Their visit was an island of fun in a sea of recent struggle. 

Ca also had her first American haircut!

fancy Ca loved feeling glamorous, and didn't fuss at all that the bangs weren't being trimmed!

No pics of Thanksgiving dinner, but here's tree hunting fun!

We sent the following email to our church's prayer network Sunday night:

            We are writing to ask for prayer for our family. In the past few weeks, it has seemed as though our adjustment to life as a family of 6 has taken a turn for the worse. Instead of becoming more settled and comfortable, our kids have gotten more insecure, violent, scared, and disruptive.
            Would you please pray for our kids who are upset, that they would continue to grow in their trust of us, and that they would know that they are loved regardless of their behavior.
            Please pray for the other kids to have patience with their siblings (and their parents), and to have a healthy understanding of their own worth to God and to our family.
            Please pray that all our kids would learn about God's love during this season, and that they would all feel safe in our home.
            Pray for us that we would hope in the Lord, die to ourselves, and make charitable judgments about our kids and each other. Pray also that we would have wisdom in how to address our kids and their behaviors, and find the help we need to care for our family well. We're currently looking for help before and after school so that there are two adults home at all times with the four kids together. Would you join us in praying for God's provision?

I (E) spent most of last week feeling overwhelmed. B has done such a great job of loving our kids in the midst of their tantrums and through to the other side. He has been feeling stretched, and Co and I have been feeling neglected. I've been feeling as though I am, at best, a neutral influence on the tantrums, and often the trigger. Both Ca and S strongly prefer B for everything from who cuts their food to who puts them to bed. I feel hopeless that I will ever be able to bridge the gap caused by my sin and relation-breaking responses to their behaviors. 

This morning I got all four kids off to school alone and we had a better-than-average mix of behavior. I have spent much of the day reflecting on God's goodness and sovereignty. He chose me to be the mama in this family - even when I fail, and am convinced that a different mama would be better for our kids, or easier on my husband - God still put them here with me. Not that He is content with brokenness, though. He can change me, and is redeeming me and the lives of each of my children (and husband!). Nothing is impossible with God. (Luke 1:37) 

After a day of prayerful reflection, I wouldn't say that I have hope yet that I will be able to bridge the relational gap with my kids, but I am certain that God is good and will not abandon them or me in this struggle.

a wall plaque we bought at a gift shop in China is a great reminder.

a little P.S. - a glimpse into some of our wretchedly awful/ heart-breakingly beautiful moments...

This morning Ca spent much time recounting how loved she felt last night.  She had been crying in my (E's) arms before falling asleep, and the noise of Co going to bed must have disturbed her since Co noticed her quietly crying (which we hadn't been able to hear on the monitor). Co offered (and Ca accepted) to get a parent to help, and B was able to go back in and sang and snuggled Ca back to sleep. The helping Co offered and the recounting Ca expressed strengthened the girls' strained relationship. What a gift from God!